Coping With Infertility During the Holidays
Infertility has many challenges, but the holiday season can be even harder for the sixteen percent of couples who are struggling with infertility. Holiday movies and commercials are full of images of families and children, and the family holiday celebrations can create more stress.
Lindsay Brennan, Clinical Social Worker at the University of Michigan’s Center for Reproductive Medicine http://www.uofmhealth.org/fertility offered a seminar in November for couples facing infertility providing tips for coping with infertility during the holidays.
Facing infertility is a very isolating experience for some women. Often couples feel ashamed, as if they are to blame, and they don’t want to tell people that they are having trouble getting pregnant.
Plan Ahead
If people are trying to keep their infertility private, they may be faced with many awkward experiences during the holiday season. Planning ahead can help make this stressful time a little easier. Brennan encourages women to consider their schedules. There are many questions women should consider. Will this time of year be difficult for receiving treatment and taking time off of work? Will there be overnight guests who aren’t aware that a couple is seeking help with their infertility?
What is the best way to handle all of the invitations to holiday celebrations? Brennan encourages women to be selective when they choose which parties to attend and others that might be easier to avoid. She says women should not feel guilty about saying no. Brennan says, “They are going through a challenging time, and they need to do what feels right for them.”
It might be helpful to arrive late to some parties or leave some events early like before kids open presents. Brennan suggest that couples have a mutual signal for when it is time to leave which will help them out of any uncomfortable situations.
Avoiding Uncomfortable Questions
Brennan offers suggestions for answering the dreaded question, “When are you going to have kids?” Possible responses include, “When we have news to share, we’ll let you know.” “No, not yet, but please keep us in your prayers.” or “This is a really sensitive subject for me so I would rather not go into details right now.” It helps to plan your response ahead of time so that you aren’t caught off guard. Another option is steering the conversation to the weather, shoes/clothing or food. Try asking “Can you believe the weather we have been having?” or “I love your sweater, where did you get it?”
Take Care of Yourself (and Your Partner)
Brennan says, “Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling. Whether the emotion is sad, mad, etc., these are your feelings and you’re entitled to them.”
Brennan reminds couples to respect each other’s coping mechanisms even if partners are coping differently. She says couples should make a point to communicate their feelings so they can be in synch with each other.
Brennan says, “It helps to be an active participant when managing stress and infertility.”
The University of Michigan’s Center for Reproductive Medicine, offers educational seminars for people dealing with infertility. They are not limited to U-M patients. They are open to the community.
For more information, contact the University of Michigan Center for Reproductive Medicine by e-mail: obgyn-UM-CRM@med.umich.edu or phone: 734-763-4323.
Visit the web site for The National Infertility Association
