How You Can Help Her
Do you have a friend or relative who is in an abusive relationship?
Are you concerned that a friend or relative may be a victim of abuse? An outsider might not see all of these signs, but some of these behaviors might
indicate an abusive relationship:
- jealousy and possessiveness,
- controlling behavior,
- hypersensitivity and explosive behavior, and
- threatening and/or using violence.
Abusers often isolate their victims from their family and friends. Maintaining communication is important so that the victim knows there is someone who is willing to listen and help. Remind her that the abuse is not her fault.
She might not be ready to leave or even ready to talk about her situation. If you aren't the one in the abusive relationship it is impossible to know the reasons someone is staying in a dangerous relationship. There are a multitude of reasons why people don't leave abusive relationships including fear for her own life and the lives of the people she cares about.
LaTresa Wiley, a domestic violence social worker at the University of Michigan Health System, says that often someone who wants to help is "caught up in trying to rescue" their friend. If someone is seeking help, you can assist them by providing phone numbers and resources in their community. The most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she tries to leave, and professionals can give her the help and answers she needs.
If someone is not yet ready to leave, then maintain contact. Let her know that you are ready to listen and help when she is ready. Most importantly, continue to remind her that the abuse is never her fault.
prepared for the Women's Health Progam web site 10/09
