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Residency Training Program

Jim BurkeJim Burke

Hometown: Akron, OH
Undergrad: Notre Dame
Med School: Loyola

I was born in Ohio during the heydey of the Hayes-Schembechler era. At the time, Ohio State was adopting a long-term strategy of subversion with a goal of ultimately bringing Michigan's football program to its knees from the inside. I am part of that plan. (Gary Moeller was the most visible product of that plan. And, of course, John Navarre.) My parents were paid lavishly to brainwash me through early childhood into single-minded love of Ohio State and hatred of Michigan. Ultimately, the plan is that I will effect the highest levels of the Michigan football program through direct infiltration, drug dissemination and varied mind control tactics. That's why I'm a neurology resident at the University of Michigan.

In order to disguise my efforts, I was sent to college at Notre Dame - an additional benefit being that if my subversive activities were uncovered, the blame might rest on Notre Dame - a win-win for the Ohio State faction. I briefly caught up with my handlers in Columbus through my first two years of medical school, before being dispatched to Loyola in Chicago to more carefully cover my tracks. I've been in Ann Arbor for the last several years, attempting to ingratiate myself into the community. I plan on being here until the football program is completely destroyed. During working hours, I'd like to develop a career in health services research. In my spare time, I enjoy reading.