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How does growing up in an exceptional family affect siblings
of kids with special health or developmental needs?
Siblings of children with special needs have special needs themselves. Their
sister or brother with special needs will get a bigger share
of attention. While having a special needs sib presents challenges,
it also comes with opportunities. When parents tune in to each
child’s individual needs, they can help ease the difficulties.
What are some parenting tips for our family?
You can help your kids better understand what having a sibling
with special needs means to your family, and you can also help
your kids figure out constructive and appropriate ways to express
their feelings and get their needs met.
What are some other sources of information and support?
- The National Information Center for Children and Youth with
Disabilities (NICHCY) News Digest #11 (“Children
with Disabilities: Understanding Sibling Issues”) delves into
issues of siblings of children with special needs. This lengthy
digest features several interesting articles, different points
of view, suggestions for parents, and reviews research findings. It’s
available in text-only (17 pages) and PDF (12 pages) versions.
- The Sibling Support Project is a national program for brothers and
sisters of people with special health and developmental needs.
The Project's main goal is to promote peer support and education
programs for brothers and sisters of people with special needs. They
create books and newsletters to raise awareness, conduct workshops,
and sponsor listservs. The website has a great list of books
and other resources for children and adults. You can also
find local events for siblings of special-needs kids. They
also run a listserv just for kids, called SibKids.
- Q&A
about siblings of people with mental retardation from the
ARC. Also available in Spanish.
- Siblings
of Children with Special Health and Developmental Needs: Programs,
Services and Considerations
- Siblings for Significant Change is a national network that
works to build mutual support for siblings of handicapped persons.
They train siblings to be advocates for themselves and their
families, and provide networking for support and socializing,
quarterly meetings, newsletter, phone network, speakers bureau,
audio-visual material, and local chapters. Write: Siblings for
Significant Change, 350 Fifth Ave., Room 627, New York, NY 10118.
Call 1-212-643-2663 or 1-800-841-8251.
- “SNIP, the Sibling Need and Involvement Profile” is a tool
you can use with your child to provide you with feedback and
start needed discussion. You can order a copy of SNIP for $2.00,
which includes postage and handling, from the Nisonger Center
Publications Office, The
Ohio State University, 357E McCampbell Hall, 1581 Dodd Drive,
Columbus, OH 43210-1257, USA. Call 614-247-7900 for information
- Please note: The Sibling Information Network no longer
in exists. You will come across outdated contact information
for them at some of the links on this page.
Related pages on YourChild:
What are some recommended books on parenting siblings of kids
with special needs?
- It Isn't Fair! Edited by Stanley D. Klein and Maxwell
J. Schleifer
Presents a wide range of perspectives on the relationship
of siblings to children with disabilities, written by parents,
young adult siblings, younger siblings, and professionals.
The issues of fairness, expectations, rewards, punishments,
caretaking responsibilities, and negative feelings are all
thoroughly discussed.
- Living with a Brother or Sister with Special Needs: A Book
for Siblings, by Donald Meyer and Patricia Vadasy.
May be useful for both parents and children to read.
- Brothers and Sisters: A Special Part of Exceptional Families,
by Thomas Powell and Peggy Gallagher.
- Profile of the Other Child: A Sibling Guide for Parents,
by Frances McCaffrey and Thomas Fish.
This pamphlet may be available for $2.00 from the Nisonger Center at Ohio State University.
- Siblings Without Rivalry, by Adele Faber and Elaine
Mazlish.
A real classic—a quick and easy read with powerful techniques
you can start using right away.
- How to Cope with Mental Illness in Your Family: A Self Care
Guide for Siblings, Offspring and Parents, by Diane Marsh,
Rex Dickens and E. Fuller Torrey.
- When Madness Comes Home: Help and Hope for the Children,
Siblings and Partners of the Mentally Ill, by Victoria
Secunda.
What are some titles of books for kids about special siblings?
Sometimes reading book with your child can open up a dialog about
issues they are facing. Check out some of these books and see
if they help get your kids talking about their feelings and experiences. Here
are a few titles. Many more are listed on the Sibling Support
Project resources page.
- We'll Paint the Octopus Red, by Stephanie Stuve-Bodeen
Ages 3-7. Emma’s baby brother Isaac is born with Down syndrome.
- Ben, King of the River, by David Gifaldi.
Ages 5-8. Chad, the older brother of a developmentally
disabled boy, narrates this story about the family's first
camping trip. Chad’s frank story-telling gets across the highs
and lows of the trip and of life with Ben, and his mixed emotions. Includes
a page of tips for siblings of kids with special needs.
- My Brother, Matthew, by Mary Thompson
Ages 4-11. Offers a sibling's point-of-view of the ups
and downs of life when your brother is born with a disability.
David, the older brother, wryly shares the worry, impatience,
feeling left out, being talked down to by grown-ups—and the
positive ways in which he has built a unique relationship with
his brother.
- Way to Go, Alex!, by Robin Pulver.
Ages 4-8. Carly feels the dual emotions that many siblings
of special-needs children may feel. Her older brother Alex
participates in the Special Olympics.
- Sara’s Secret, by Suzanne Wanous.
Ages 7-9. Sara's secret is her little brother Justin, who
has cerebral palsy and mental retardation. Her love for him
and the discomfort he causes her at school are realistically
portrayed.
- My Sister Annie, by Bill Dodds.
Ages 8-15. Twelve-year-old Charlie’s sister Annie has Down
syndrome. This is a thoughtful novel about his growing pains
and struggle to accept a sister who is "different".
- Views from Our Shoes: Growing Up With a Brother or Sister
With Special Needs, edited by Donald J. Meyer
For ages 7 and up. 45 children aged 4-18 contributed to this book. They
share their experiences as the brother or sister of someone with a
disability—the good and the bad, as well as many thoughtful observations.
- The Summer of the Swans, by Betsy Byars
Ages 9-15. A 14-year-old girl’s mentally retarded little
brother gets lost, and the family realizes how much they really
appreciate him.
- A Real Christmas This Year, by Karen Williams.
Ages 9-15. Megan’s special-needs little brother makes life
harder on her family, just when she already has lots of things
going on in her own life. Realistically portrays the life
of the family in caring for a disabled child.
- Welcome Home, Jellybean, by Marlene Shyer.
Ages 9-15. Neil’s sister, Gerri, comes home from an institution
to live with their family.
- Lots more kids’ books and a list of publishers
in this bibliography from NICHCY
Still have questions about this topic? Go to
our survey to ask your questions, and we’ll try
to answer them on an upcoming
YourChild podcast.
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Written and compiled by Kyla Boyse, R.N. Reviewed by faculty and staff at the University of Michigan
Updated November 2006
U-M Health System Related Sites:
U-M Pediatrics
Our editorial policy
The information and links we provide are reviewed by University of Michigan developmental and behavioral pediatricians and child psychologists who are experts in child behavioral health. In choosing the links we provide, we use strict criteria to ensure that the information is accurate, and the source is reputable. As much as possible, we focus on information that is based on research. In areas where there is inadequate research, we include information compatible with prevailing expert opinion.
This website is updated regularly, but because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, we cannot be responsible for misinformation that may be accessed through the links provided. As always, this website is not a tool for self-diagnosis, and is not a substitute for professional care.
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