| What do I need
to know about my child's behavior?
When you want to change
an unwanted behavior, it helps to first
understand
why your child is doing it. See Understanding Behavior: a Key to Discipline for some things to think
about when your child's behavior becomes a problem.
What should I know
about temper tantrums?
Temper tantrums are a normal part of growing up. They are part of a child learning self-control. Usually, they are phasing out by age 4. To help you learn why kids have tantrums and for tips on how to avoid them, see the American Academy of Pediatrics page on temper tantrums. Call your child’s doctor if the tantrums regularly last longer than 10 minutes, your child is often out of control, or you have any questions.
 Find
out more: Listen to a podcast interview with UMHS pediatrician
Dr. Julie Lumeng about how to prevent and handle temper tantrums.
What can I do to help
my angry or aggressive child?
Anger is an
emotion that is caused by frustration. Aggression means
trying to hurt a person or to destroy property.
It is normal to have some anger and aggression, and actually
healthy. These feelings help us to get things done, when used
in a positive way. But excessive amounts of anger and aggression
used negatively and destructively may point toward an emotional
problem. If anyone is getting hurt, your child is out of control, or your school-aged child has regular tantrums, call your child’s doctor.
What
about biting?
Biting is a normal behavior for young kids,
but it is also very upsetting
for parents, and can be harmful to the person who is bitten. This
fact sheet contains information on why
children bite and what you can do about it.
How
can I teach my child to stop bullying, or to deal with bullies?
Even toddlers can be "bullies" or “bullied.” In fact, aggressive behavior
toward other kids may even peak around age 2. Visit the link
above for tips on “bully-proofing” your child and on how to deal
with other kids and their parents in difficult situations. Teach
your children how
to be assertive in
acceptable ways, and they will not fall victim to bullies, nor
will they become bullies themselves.
- Helping Kids Deal with Bullies has more information and helpful suggestions for parents. It’s also available in Spanish.
- Hazing is a form of bullying that isn’t just limited to fraternities and sororities. Here’s what parents need to know.
- For Kids: Dealing with Bullies
- For Teens: Dealing with Bullying
How can I
change my child's problem behaviors?
- If there are lots of behaviors you want to change, start by focusing on one or two of the most bothersome or dangerous ones. Don't try to make too many changes all at once.
- Let your child make some decisions by giving them acceptable choices. For example, ask, “Do you want cereal or toast for breakfast today?” or let them choose between the red or blue pants.
- Make sure you have realistic expectations for your toddler’s behavior. Teaching toddlers good behavior is handled a little differently from school-age kids.
- Have a few positively stated rules, and explain the reasons behind them.
- Make sure your child understands the results of breaking the rules.
- Use natural and logical consequences for problem behavior. The purpose here is to get kids to make the right decision, not to bend them to your will. Be patient-it may take time for you to see results.
- Be firm and kind. Follow through on the natural and logical consequences. Consequences are best if they are immediate and consistent.
- Catch your child being good, and tell them you noticed.
- Use descriptive praise. For example, describe what you see: “Wow, this room is so neat. I see all the toys put away, and no one even had to remind you!”, rather than evaluating with praise like “You’re a good boy; good job cleaning up!”
- Find out more about positive encouragement of good behavior, sometimes called “Time-In” or, in Spanish, Tiempo con Sus Hijos.
- Redirect your child and help them find a better place, or safer way to do what they are trying to do. For example, if they want to write on the walls with crayons, give them a big sheet of paper or go outside and let them color on the sidewalk with chalk.
- Remove your child from the cause of the problem behavior, or remove the cause of the problem from the child (for example by childproofing your house).
- Learn how temperament affects kids’ behavior. If you know your child’s temperament, you can help them relate better in the world, and be sensitive in how you respond to them. This understanding can help improve behavior.
- For a wealth of information on discipline and helping kids behave, see YourChild: Parenting Resources.
When should I get help with my child’s behavior problems?
You should talk to your pediatrician about a referral to a professional if your child is doing things that are dangerous, harmful, or disrespectful to people or property. If you see changes in your child’s behavior or physical symptoms, like headaches or trouble with eating or sleeping, get help. Your child may have a behavior disorder, and need help. Problems such as attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, conduct disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder require treatment by a health care professional.
Where can I get more information?
Here are some Web sites that can help you find out more:
Check out these related topics on YourChild:
Still have questions about this topic? Go to
our survey to ask your questions, and we’ll try
to answer them on an upcoming
YourChild podcast.
|
Compiled by Kyla Boyse, R.N. Reviewed by faculty and staff at the University of Michigan
Updated November 2007
Our editorial policy
The information and links we provide are reviewed by University of Michigan developmental and behavioral pediatricians and child psychologists who are experts in child behavioral health. In choosing the links we provide, we use strict criteria to ensure that the information is accurate, and the source is reputable. As much as possible, we focus on information that is based on research. In areas where there is inadequate research, we include information compatible with prevailing expert opinion.
This website is updated regularly, but because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, we cannot be responsible for misinformation that may be accessed through the links provided. As always, this website is not a tool for self-diagnosis, and is not a substitute for professional care.
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